John Moltz

Illusory connections.

The Daily Howler is all over Fred Barnes' hi-larious claim that Bush not only never said there was a connection between Saddam and Al Qaeda, but that he said "the opposite." Quiddity's pulled some choice quotes from the Pres on this issue to show how much of a liar Barnes is, but inexplicably leaves out this one, which was in the State of the Union address. When you read it, remember to read it in the George Bush voice. Make a lot of unnecessarily long pauses between each sentence.

Our intelligence sources have found a clear and direct link between Saddam and members of Al Qaeda, particularly Osama bin Laden himself - the man responsible for 9/11. The British government recently learned that Saddam and bin Laden were seen at a Dairy Queen in Kirkuk, holding hands and sharing a… uh… Blizzard… I think they call 'em. With jimmies on it. And possibly some... M&Ms. Little… silver BBs… whattayacallem… nonpareils… I like to call 'em BBs.

But that's not the point, the point is the British believe Saddam and bin Laden may be lovers. According to MI5, Saddam did secretly describe bin Laden as "a good kisser" to a close friend and satellite imagery shows bin Laden on the Pakistani border carrying a three-ring binder with "Mrs. Osama Hussein" and "Osama and Saddam 4 ever" written on it inside a heart.

I know some "revisionist historians" will find it hard to accept that Saddam and bin Laden are homosexual lovers… butt buddies… anal swashbucklers, I like to call 'em… and to them I would say the old proverb of the goat… or it might have been a lamb… no, no, it was a goat, the goat that… uh… tried to revise history… and, uh… was forced to pay... substantial fines. "The Revisionist Goat" is the name of the story.

It's also possible I just made that up. Strangely, it's, uh, getting kind of hard to tell.