John Moltz

Ooh! Ooh! I've got heat exhaustion, too!

Except I'd like to be treated by Kerry's other hot daughter because I've got the kind that only brunettes can cure.

I know she's not the medical student, but...

Pff. Heat exhaustion. Right! Duuuude...

Uh... what?

"Results matter." says our slacker Preznit.

They're... uh... kidding...

... right?

Because...

Ha-ha!

If that's their response to the convention...

Ha! Oh, man...

Drinking is so an accomplishment!

Matt Deatherage compares Bush and Kerry's achievements and, uh... Bush don't come out lookin' too good.

Get yer DemoRat liberal jibber-jabberin

Right off the iTunes Music Store.

Cool!

Get Your Botched War On

For your reading enjoyment.

Big John

That epithet used to be reserved for Howard Dean, but Kerry earned it tonight.

What if we have a president who believes in science, so we can unleash the wonders of discovery like stem cell research to treat illness and save millions of lives?

Yes. What if we have a president who believes in science? And was all the other things Kerry spoke of.

Kerry was inspiring tonight. Way to go.

The Blogger formely known as Atrios

Sheesh, am I the last to know that Atrios has quietly revealed his secret identity?

Well, as long as we're making Duncan Black's life more dangerous, I hear it's the orange Kryptonite that hurts him.

In related news, I've decided that now is the perfect time to go into the closet. From now on, I want you to call me Dr. Secret Hassenpuffer.

No, seriously.

Well, MY fake anecdote also speaks volumes!

As Kevin Drum noticed some convenient cabby conversations, I thought I'd relay one I had the other day. After another drinking binge at a local establishment, I decided to call a cab as I was in no condition to drive home. After the standard 45 minute wait for it to arrive (there are only three cabs in Tacoma, I believe), several good looking waitresses and other will-wishers poured me into the cab. The following is a verbatim transcript of my interaction with the cab driver who was a white male, around 45 years of age who voted for Bush in 2000. A self-described believer in personal responsibility and fiscal restraint, he also watches NASCAR and JAG and loves Jesus.

CABBY: Where to?

ME: Just to the top of the hill.

CABBY: Hey, that George Bush sure is a lying sack of shit, isn't he?

ME: No argument here. Blech... I shouldn't have had that body shot off that Swedish stewardess. She tasted like sun tan lotion.

CABBY: Yessir! George Bush! What a douche bag! God, am I kicking myself for voting for him the first time! Ha-ha!

ME: Here's my house.

CABBY: That'll be five dollars.

(DISCLAIMER: This may not have actually happened, just like Kaus and Boortz' cabby conversations.)

Just how hard is it to write up a GOP press release?

Will Lester of the AP discovers, not very.

When was the last time you saw a story on a Democratic ad about Bush? And I mean one produced by the DNC, not one produced by some guy who posted one to an open collection on MoveOn.org that happened to morph Bush into Hitler.

To be fair, it's harder to write up Democratic attack ads because there aren't nearly as many of them. There is something to having an actual record to run on. Perhaps the RNC should have thought of that three and a half years ago.

Right

Yes. Kerry really should spend some time telling jokes at his own expense about pictures of him that Republicans think are silly. Because that would really be the mark of a serious candidate.

If I were a hack like Glenn Reynolds and devoted almost 400 words to manufactured silly picture controversies, would I get a lot of hits too?

What an ass.

And someone should really remind the good professor who was president when the World Trade towers were knocked over.

"These things really write themselves."

Indeed.

ADDENDUM: Great minds? Thinking alike (not an Instahack link for the sensitive readers out there)? Think about it, won't you?

Or, possibly, so obvious it's unbelievable even Reynolds couldn't see it coming up Main Street.

Obama. Barack Obama.

Best comment I heard from someone seeing Barack Obama for the first time: "Shh. I'm listening to the future president."

Gah

While this is a stupid story about stupid stuff that doesn't have an iota of consequence to how one might run a nation, you'd think that Reuters could actually check their facts. Kos already discussed the magic rain that loosens soil nine days after it falls back in May.

It's no wonder no one can get to the bottom of Bush's Guard duty.

Helloooooo?

Sorry for the absence, but the whole move thing has heated up as has work (just another series of cleverly designed "coincidences" that should lead you to believe that I am, indeed, both Atrios AND Tom Tomorrow - no wonder my schedule is so packed!) and some other (good) stuff in my personal life.

So, don't cry for me, Argentina.

Paraguay can go ahead and cry for me, for all I care. Don't get me started about Paraguay.

August looks to be a busy month for me, so I don't know when exactly things will get better.

Um... probably September, actually. That would be the month after August, right? I frankly can't even remember.

Plus, to make matters worse, I bought The Return of the King video game on Saturday when I got my new Airport Extreme Base Station and Dr. Bott antenna.

I'm looking for a buyer for my old graphite base station if anyone's interested. Make me an offer!

And, as long as I'm throwing out random thoughts, I really like Jell-o.

No, I mean it. It's light and sweet and... well, what's not to like?

Duh?

Ronstadt's Vegas Row Fuels U.S. Campaign Debate

Oh, great, because that would be so much better than having it fueled by an open discussion of policy or some stoopid crap like that.

But virtually all agree that Ronstadt's dedication of an encore song to Moore was mild in comparison to comedian Whoopi Goldberg's obscene comments about the president at a John Kerry fund-raiser, or Ozzy Osbourne projecting of Bush's image onto that of Adolf Hitler's during a rock concert.

And of course, it was extremely mild compared to the criticisms leveled at Bush by Moore in his hit film.

Uhhh... what? Let's just look at that math for a minute:

Ronstadt praising Moore < Goldberg comparing Bush to female genitalia and Osbourne comparing Bush to Hitler < Fahrenheit 9/11.

Where in Fahrenheit 9/11 is Bush compared to either female genitalia or the worse mass murderer of the previous century? Has Arthur Spiegelman seen the movie?

The fact that Moore's movie is more popular than either the hackneyed Golberg or the hackneyed Osbourne and presents a more effective message than either the other two are capable of making does not automagically make it a harsher critique.

Ooh! You got a smiley face in fighting terrorism!

So, the Justice Department has vastly overstated the number of terrorism-related cases that have been prosecuted to make it look like it's really going gangbusters after...

You know, I'm kind of surprised the country hasn't picked some normally innocuous Anglo-Saxon name to apply to terrorists. We had "Jerry" for Germans in WWII and "Charlie" for Communists in Vietnam. What goes well with Islamic Fundamentalist Terrorists?

Izzy?

Hmm...

Oh! Oh!

Terry.

Mmmmm! That's got legs.

Uh... well... think about it.

Anyway, in the article Confessore cites via Atrios, it appears that the Justice Department said it prosecuted 35 terrorism-related cases in Iowa in the last two years. A U.S. District Judge for the area claims to not know of any. That may be because of the loose standard being applied.

Prosecutors stressed that many of the Iowa cases were classic examples of illegal activities that are perpetrated by terrorist groups.

So, since terrorists might steal money to fund their activities, the Justice Department feels OK in classifying any theft as terrorist-related.

Because that's just what Terry would do!

But back here in the real world we have no way of knowing how many of the supposedly thousands of cases prosecuted are really terrorism-related. But if there were 35 bogus cases in Iowa, you can bet there were a lot more in New York, San Francisco, Seattle and elsewhere.

It's a damn shame that we don't really know how well we're doing combatting terrorism domestically because the Justice Department is more interested in getting Bush elected in November than providing an accurate accounting.

It's ironic that the same administration that's so concerned with standardized ratings for students and teachers feels no compunctions about taking a ball point pen to an "F" in prosecuting terrorism to turn it into an "A".

If a guy gets shot in the back of the head in the forest...

Let's say the U.S. decided to invade a country because it was a really big threat to our national security. Then let's say that, whoops, turns out it really wasn't such a big threat after all, but the guy we deposed was a really bad guy who killed his own people (killed his own people!), so it was all worth it anyway.

But then, just as an example, let's say that the guy we put in place of him... uh... well, let's just say there were certain allegations that, er, to kick off the transition of power, as it were... well... he... killed some of his own people.

Don't you think that would be an interesting story that, perhaps, might be a useful thing to know when you're evaluating the merits of that particular invasion?

Well, if you said yes, that is why you are not a major media outlet in the U.S.! Shows what you know! Pff!

But Mr. Jesus is very far away

Did you know that god speaks through Bush?

Word up. Straight from the horse's mouth.

Well... Bush's that is. Not god's. But... you know... since god speaks through Bush, it's really the same thing, now, isn't it?

Makes me think of They Might Be Giants' Kiss Me, Son of God.

I built a little empire out of some crazy garbage
Called the blood of the exploited working class
But they've overcome their shyness
Now they're calling me Your Highness
And a world screams, "Kiss me, Son of God"

I destroyed a bond of friendship and respect
Between the only people left who'd even look me in the eye
Now I laugh and make a fortune
Off the same ones that I tortured
And a world screams, "Kiss me, Son of God"

I look like Jesus, so they say
But Mr. Jesus is very far away
Now you're the only one here who can tell me if it's true
That you love me and I love me

I built a little empire out of some crazy garbage
Called the blood of the exploited working class
But they've overcome their shyness
Now they're calling me Your Highness
And a world screams, "Kiss me, Son of God"
Yes a world screams, "Kiss me, Son of God"

Curiosity

See, it's something actual journalists are supposed to have.

Wonder why the AP seems so curious about stuff Peter Jennings is simply willing to take on faith?

W stands for weasel

Bush Refines His Position on a Measure Banning Gay Marriage (link via Pandagon)

Ol' blood and guts is trying to finesse an issue?! I don't know, but that word sounds awfully French...

OK, let me put it a more 'merican way: Is Bush a flip-flopper? Is he trying to have it both ways? Is it unclear where exactly he stands on this issue?

Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. I'm sure it's a perfectly clear if just a little complicated position. See, he likes gays - he's really very tolerant - and he's watched that Queer Eye show a couple of times and found it uproariously funny with the overt gayness and all (that Carson!), and he doesn't care what they do in their home...

... he just doesn't think they should be treated the same way everyone else is.

You know. Other humans.

Hmm.

Wait, I'm still confused. How is he not a mealy-mouthed weasel again?

Because I can't think of a CARS story to write...

I saw this...

EyeTV 1.5 brings in support for TitanTV's remote programming feature, which allows you to schedule recordings from any computer with Internet access...

and I literally made this noise:

Oooooooooooooooooooooooohhhhhhh... Aaaaaaiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiieeeeeeeeeeeeeheeheehee!

And I'm downloading it now.

And now I'm thinking about just blogging my whole damn day.

I'm going to get some more coffee.

John continues to stalk the Daily Show

Hey, it's my shtick. I stalk Phil Schiller and Jon Stewart. You know that, baby.

And, as I didn't say anything about the gay marriage thing, I thought I'd post the Daily Show's Gay Marriage Formula, as portrayed by gay marriage opponents:

So, to sum up, it'll take two-thirds of both houses and three-quarters of the states to approve an ammendment saying two straight parents are better than one straight parent which is still greater than two gay parents which is equal to a guy screwing a turtle.

And, they also provided this handy graphic:

Speaking of craptacular...

Edwards Chooses Fast-Food Joint as Romantic Date

This is the same kind of fast-food reporting we've been fed about Bush for the last four years. "Man of the people! Man of the people!" It's certainly a thousand times more true of Edwards than it is of Bush, but this level of reporting is still kind of sickening.

Who cares where Edwards eats his anniversary dinner? It's the fact that he actually, you know, seeks to implement legislation that helps people as opposed to large corporations that would make him a "man of the people." Conversely, the fact that George Bush has a big house, inherited a mess of money and plays golf a lot does not not make him a "man of the people." It's the fact that every time he pushes legislation it's designed precisely to screw the people at the behest of his big corporate buddies.

Gah.

Lies

There's a reason I like reading USS Mariner, and it's not just for the baseball analysis...

Why is no one with a press badge, from the guy who covers the sports team to the people who cover the White House, willing to call a lie a lie?

... but still, it is mostly for the baseball analysis.

You may have noticed I haven't talked much about the Mariners this season and that's probably not surprising. When a team deals up night after night of such craptacular baseball, it's hard to get interested enough to write a post about it.

For personal reasons that have nothing to do with the front office's continued lies to the fans or the absolutely abysmal play on the field and the worse performances in the batter's box, I will probably not be going in on seasons tickets again next year. But at least those other factors make the decision easier.

I can't blame management for trying to run their business like a business. I can only lament the fact that this has to be a business. If teams were owned by the cities they played in, there would be no holding them hostage with the threat of moving. Winning would become a matter of civic pride rather than left up to either a consortium that's driven by the bottom line or the personal whims of some multi-billionaire.

In a year of sitting through horrible baseball at Safeco Field, it was adding insult to injury to be in a bar last night watching the Pacific Coast League lose the Triple-A All-Star Game to the International League on a home run in the 10th. According to Triple-A rules, if neither team led at the end of the 10th, it would have just ended in a tie. But after getting two outs, Scott Atchison of the Tacoma Rainiers, Seattle's Triple-A affiliate, left a hanging slider over the plate that ended the game.

Hey! Remember North Korea?!

Matthew Yglesias notes that, despite the tough talk from the Bush administration, the reality is...

When you overreact to one problem, you wind up underreacting -- and even exacerbating -- others, and that's what we're seeing right now. It's the president, not his critics, who has adopted an "all or nothing" approach, and thanks to his decision to throw "all" at Iraq, we've now got "nothing" left for anything else.

Bush has noted that 9/11 made us realize that oceans no longer protect us, but... uh... I guess he was just talking about the Atlantic...

Which, in Bush's defense, makes sense. The Pacific is bigger.

Guilty of drunk driving related program activities.

Jerome Doolittle at Bad Attitudes passes on a link to a story about the Bush policy of pre-emption at work in the Homeland.

Whoops

I read about three paragraphs into this story before I realized that it said "decisive" rather than "divisive".

That just seemed more obvious.

Still, decisive/arrogant is a bad mixture on the ol' Myers/Briggs.

Good point

Not only are the administration's vague warnings that imminent death awaits us all and the constant reminders that we all die alone and afraid really just a way of saying "Vote Bush!" (or, "Don't vote!" as the case may be), but they can't possibly help us git the terra-ists.

Excuse the fuck me?

Officials discuss how to delay Election Day

U.S. officials have discussed the idea of postponing Election Day in the event of a terrorist attack on or about that day, a Homeland Security Department spokesman said Sunday.

The department has referred questions about the matter to the Department of Justice's Office of Legal Counsel, spokesman Brian Roehrkasse said.

The department wants to know about the possibility of granting emergency power to the newly created U.S. Election Assistance Commission, authority that Roehrkasse said was requested by DeForest B. Soaries Jr., the commission's chairman.

Pardon my Cheneyism, but who THE FUCK elected that dickhead?

The answer is, of course, no one fucking elected that dickhead.

Soaries, who was appointed by President Bush, is a former New Jersey secretary of state and senior pastor of the 7,000-member First Baptist Church of Lincoln Gardens in Somerset, New Jersey.

He would be an unelected official who would get to decide when America gets to vote.

Roehrkasse said the recent discussions were sparked by intelligence indicating al Qaeda wants to "disrupt our democratic process."

Yeah, someone's trying to disrupt our democratic process.

Stand by your man

Even if he does sustain himself on a diet of live puppies.

The administration has trotted out Lynne Cheney to say "Nay! Mine husband ist not a foul-mouthed lout! Twas he that pushed him to it!" But Lynne might need a little schooling on the finer points of government.

"The way Dick did it, it was a private comment. You wouldn't know it from the amount of publicity that it's garnered," she said.

A private comment? On the floor of the U.S. Senate?

Hmm. Well, the way the Bush administration treats our government as their own personal playground, I guess it's not surprising that they'd feel that way.

Out of touch

Proving again how out of touch he is with the American people, Bush's belief that Dick Cheney can be president and John Edwards can't is not shared by voters (scroll to the bottom of the post, past some nice numbers showing Kerry leading Bush in most polls).

Whaaa?

Is this... balance?! Jesus, it's been so long since I've seen it that I don't even know what it looks like!

NY's Bloomberg to Entertain Gay, Pro-Choice Groups

At least someone other than Kerry is getting some attention for taking a position that doesn't coincide with what others tell him he should take.

Wow

So, Joe Lieberman, have we lost the American people?

Just when you think they can't get any dumber...

Plan for success

Here's a plan for success I just came up with and I really like it.

Whenever I get down about Kerry and Edwards' chances of winning the White House in the face of the lying, deception and other shenanigans being carried out by the Bush campaign (Terror strikes coming soon! Whoops - lost those crucial three months of documentation on Bush ANG service! Nader's going to get on the Nevada ballot!), I'm going to give some money to the Democratic congressional campaign fund.

If we had just one fucking branch of the legislative, Bush could probably be impeached in about fifteen minutes.

Nice!

And after the takedown, how about the breakdown?

Just how does the Democratic candidate for vice president stack up to the Republican candidate for...

... president?

Takedown

Matthew Yglesias has the perfect rebuttal to the conservative spin on Edwards and, for bonus points, it morphs into a takedown of a certain no-talent ass clown (if I may borrow from Office Space, and I may) who stumbled into the nation's highest office.

Want to nay-say Edwards?

Bring it, beeotches.

UPDATE: The unqualified one himself brings it up. And your so-called liberal media provides this unbiased analysis:

Cheney is a seasoned Washington insider with an impressive resume as a former defense secretary and member of Congress, while Edwards is a freshman senator from North Carolina.

Ah. But you also neglected to mention that Dick Cheney is an evil cyborg with unethical ties to a certain defense contractor that's getting fabulously wealthy off Dick-n-George's excellent adventure in Iraq. Plus, he eats live puppies.

Your turn

Cheney Had No New Data on Saddam, Al Qaeda - Panel

The Sept. 11 commission, which reported no evidence of collaborative links between Iraq and al Qaeda, said on Tuesday that Vice President Dick Cheney had no more information than commission investigators to support his later assertions to the contrary.

Which will, of course, prompt Dick to go on a whole other string of shows and reiterate all the baseless shit he's been spewing for the last year and a half and the gigantic circle jerk will continue.

But don't say the Bush administration is lying. That would be shrill.

Kerry/Edwards

Yay!

One thing I haven't seen noted in any of the coverage yet is Edwards' ability to bring in the third monied set of the Democratic Party after labor and Hollywood: trial lawyers. Looking over Fund Race 2004's neighbor search after the Washington state caucus, the lawyers in the area really came out for Edwards and many gave him the maximum. That, it seems, was one of the keys to his late surge.

I'm looking forward to Edwards debating Cheney. Oooh, yes. Might be time to break out some more colorful euphemisms, Dick.

Needless to say, I think Edwards is a great choice - the best choice. I really liked what I saw of him during the primaries. His retort to anyone who complains about "frivolous lawsuits" is sterling: try telling that to kids who have been dismembered or brain damaged by negligent companies.

Thank you, John Kerry.

Gep?

To me, this does not a confirmation make (link via Eat Your Vegetables), but take it for what it's worth.

I'm less anti-Gep than I used to be and, remember, their vice president is evil, so...

Happy Fourth!

We've spent our Fourth of July in the time-honored tradition of cleaning one's house to get it ready to sell.

We're just moving a couple of miles away, but I find it interesting that celebrated bloggers Tom Tomorrow and Atrios have also recently moved. Mmm? Mmm? Mmm?

Well, anyway, we also watched 1776 to celebrate the greatness of this nation and are now watching the Bourne Identity to remember how power left unchecked... uh... turns into... um... rogue agents who can't remember their names... and... um... with the martial arts and the... uh...

OK, I don't own a copy of JFK.

SCLM

Kerry Dodges Questions About Running Mate

Consider the meaning of the word "dodge".

The act of evading by some skillful movement; a sudden starting aside; hence, an artful device to evade, deceive, or cheat; a cunning trick; an artifice.

Evade, deceive, cheat, trick.

As opposed to "refused to answer", which would have been another way to put it.

Liar

Cheney Fires Back in Debate Over Values

"Did he forget his voting record, a voting record that makes him the most liberal member of the United States Senate?" Cheney asked.

I did like the Kerry campaign's response, though.

"Considering that Dick Cheney got five deferments from the military to avoid combat, he's the last person who should be attacking Vietnam veteran John Kerry's commitment to the flag," said spokesman Phil Singer. He added that if the Bush campaign choses to use "shrill speeches, they're going to do so at their own peril."

No rough-housing, please! We're liberals!

On the treadmill at the YMCA this morning, I read this piece by Ellen Goodman which ties into my previous post. Goodman's point is that liberals have been the voice of reason to conservative attempts to simply brow-beat and she expresses her concern at losing the high road.

I'm at a loss, however, as to how Michael Moore's two-hour movie negates the fact that establishment Democrats and other liberals are taking the high road when compared to their conservative counterparts. Why is it that we're the ones who are supposed to fight with one hand tied behind our backs all the time? Unlike Rush Limbaugh and Michael Savage, Moore hasn't even been proven false about anything he's said in this film.

And, I've asked this question before, but why is it that so many "liberal" columnists feel the need to devote much of their space to "schooling" other liberals? "Ooh, don't be too shrill!" How many inches of conservative columns have been dedicated to hand-wringing over Limbaugh or Savage? I don't have access to Lexis/Nexis, but I bet it can be measured in two words: exactly dick.

Krugman, of course, gets it right by wondering why it's OK for conservatives but causes national soul-searching when it's done by liberals.

Meanwhile...

Rush Limbaugh and Fox News are on radio and cable TV every single day for hours at a time.

But we have to have a national debate about a two hour movie.

The sacred cow of even-handedness

Kevin Drum has a couple of examples of the even-handedness of the political press.

Bush likened Kerry to Hitler, but Kerry did liken Bush to a schoolboy.

Kerry says 2 million jobs were lost under Bush, but it's really 1.9 million.